The ball of anxiety building up in my stomach was smaller this year even though the size of the Cat 1 field would triple. I don’t belong here, technically, but I can’t deny my ego the possibility to feed on all the comparison-cookies it so obnoxiously wants. What is it about constantly comparing ourselves to a continuous upward flow of others and thems. Even here, wise or woke, I know that where I end up on the list is a pathstone to the next tier. Worse still, is that moving up in difficulty -rather than an increase in the effort- provides an entire new assortment of excuses. I am really just crafting the most depressing pair of wins in case I never allow myself to win.
I have paid for and entered a number of races since clipping in for the first time but I am not a bike racer. I know it on every lap and forget it on all of the days in its’ orbit. To race a bike takes violence. To race a bike takes the type of energy that pulls your jaw apart to scream. The scream doesn’t come from your jaw but they must forcefully get out it’s way, and in a hurry. Naturally but systemically. On purpose and completely reflexive. Reflective effort of the trust you have in yourself. I sign up for these events because I want to see myself this way. I want to be initiated and time travel just to hear the story unfiltered. I want to hear the emotions in the way thoughts come and go in and out of reality during those shower conversations you can only have with yourself. I want to know all the secrets and, like other champions, only share those easily understood by the others out there convincing themselves that one day they can win too.
To be removed:
I really hope this race becomes a family tradition. This race means a mass start race registration very early in the year. The race includes road, a couple different types of gravel surfaces and tons of single track. Is there a better way to start a season?
I want to be hazed just for the pride that carrying that experience comes with. Does my ego need anymore?
GOAL – from bottom to the top. From anxious and nervous all the way to bravery and bravado. BROvado avocado
The road to somewhere new is always further than when you look back. it is hard to prepare for how long that road will be, while only looking forward and toward the new. Preparation, the necesary step, is a time suck too often justified. Too often practiced
For some this is easy for others impossible. I am neither of these men. I have very little to prove to others and I dont spend enough time unravelling what I need to prove to myself. The fall
Regardless of how little or how much I wrote, reread, and thought about last year’s race I couldnt really remember all the suffering. I had these little snippets of memories of very specific portions of trail.
A key difference between last year and this year was how much more I knew about the course this time. Last year, I prepared for a 4H race and learned it was right about 2H long while warming up. This year I knew what to expect but not what I would get from my legs.
CampingI have done this race for the last 2 years and both times we have camped in the group camp spot. This is the way to do this. You get to meet and intereact with people from all over the place as well, as all over the category spectrum. Camping here also facilitates the pre ride and there is always a tool that someone forgot to bring creating an opportunity to save the day.
This year the fire in the pit was a little small and shy but that didnt stop us from making and sharing smores.